I have looks. I have character -- that comes from my curly hair. I dress smart, and I eat right, and I work out regularly. I converse well, in a way that isn't patronizing but can make certain personality types think I'm interesting. This isn't something I was taught. It just comes natural to me, like knowing which color of wine goes with which cut of beef.

But I can't raise one eyebrow. I can raise both eyebrows. I can wink. I can make the click-click noise in the back of my throat, and I can also simultaneously wink, make the click-click noise, and turn my head and point my finger with my thumb cocked. But I don't have the one eyebrow raise in my repertoire, and that's hurting me.

Here is a short list of abstract nouns that are well articulated by raising one eyebrow:

Disbelief
Quizzical-ness
Mischievousness/Cunning
Consternation
Vague bemusement
Bemusement
Interest

As you can see, my character is profoundly lacking a few crucial nuances. Sometimes I can fake-raise one eyebrow by leaning my chin on my hand and subtly holding my right eyebrow in place as I lift both eyebrows. This causes my left eyebrow to rise while my right eyebrow appears motionless. This technique works, but there are only so many times in a conversation you can lean your chin on your hand.

I try practicing in front of a mirror a lot. But as I attempt to isolate particular muscles on various sides of my forehead, I find myself involuntarily scrunching my cheek up towards my eye, or baring the teeth on one side of my face. Neither of those facial gestures helps the cause.

Last night I was at a bar with a group of friends. These are people I've befriended to the point where my need to raise one eyebrow in their presence is minimal. Feeling drunk on camaraderie, I confided in them my eyebrow problem, explaining that this was the only trait my personality still needed. Mark raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Kristin stared at me quizzically, with one eyebrow raised. Pat, with a raised eyebrow, expressed vague bemusement, while Nihad bemusedly raised an eyebrow. But in spite of their mocking, I am more determined than ever to learn how to raise one eyebrow.

Dave Prager . 6/01

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